The Ellen Tales
Linda Hudson Hoagland, North Tazewell, VA
Fresh from high school I timidly emerged
To do battle for my well-earned place in life.
Somehow my dreams became fully submerged
Beneath bitter, painful heartache and strife.
It appeared I was not the glamour queen.
My waist and thighs were thought much too thick.
At interviews after I was once seen,
My dismissal was quite often quick.
I didn’t fit in the preordained dream
Of the princess you wanted to mold.
Being fat and shy, I wanted to scream,
Let me try! Please don’t be so cruel and cold!
So grateful to the first man that hired me,
I had no thought of what was in his mind.
He wanted to take his first virgin me.
He considered me a great lucky find.
He was correct about my innocence.
Of that you can be sure no way I’d pay
With my body for the right to work since
I knew I still could turn and walk away.
The next man was stressed and in need
Of one on whom he could truly depend.
He hired me to copy blueprints ?€? a deed
Of work for a year of life I would spend.
I searched for a life bigger and better
Than what was spreading before me each day.
Loneliness was making my eyes wetter,
From the salty tears that would find their way.
I yearned for sweet Joe my secret heart throb.
But could he see the real me? Not at all.
Til I lost some pounds my soul I did rob.
Fat or thin it was still me after all.
Dieting was the only way to cure
The loneliness, without even a friend.
I’m not grotesque, of that I’m sure,
But the closed minds of others would not bend.
From a size eighteen to a twelve I lost.
It took six months from beginning to end.
Then eyes opened and looks at me were tossed.
Those who ignored me yearned to be a friend.
A change of scene for me was in the cards,
A brand new life to happily begin.
To search for the end of oneness with bards.
Longing for one’s love from my soul within.
I met Edward one classless night as I
Roamed through the halls to join a night council
Of students - he was a friend to stand by
And lead me away to find good counsel.
Friends became lovers and then we did wed.
My son was the reason we formed our bonds,
Conceived the first time we were in our bed.
With anger, that’s how mom and dad responds.
His mother and father did not welcome
The thought of allowing me in their lives.
They treated me like the plague and my home
Was that in which someone only survives.
A second baby was planned and awaited
Another boy on a branch of the tree
Dreams of watching my sons I created
Were dashed and off to work I had to flee.
If work I must and not be a mother,
Then what was I doing sharing my life
With one I didn’t love for another
Year of pretending to be a good wife?
We parted ways, Edward and I, angry
With each other and how life had begun.
Many times my sons and I went hungry
Awaiting aid from Ed and Mary’s son.
Although support was ordered by the judge,
Many times it was late or not at all,
Paying for his sons’ lives he would begrudge
Saying parting was not his fault at all.
I tried to force payment many a time,
But it took money to get the money.
To pay the court, I didn’t have a dime
To spare for aid and that wasn’t funny.
Years have since passed and my boys have grown up
They have gone to find their separate ways
And to their new lives I drink from this cup.
May life be good to you for all your days.
I tried my very best to do for you
What I thought was more than merely needed.
But you, as my sons, are the only two
Souls who can tell me if I succeeded.
I wasn’t always a good mother though I
Wanted to be, I had to learn to do
What to others comes easy, and I sigh.
I think how I began without a clue.
I want the world to know without a doubt
That my sons are the reason I fought on
To conquer wars that daily came about
So we can look back, smile, and then go on.
That part of my life is ended and I
Survived it struggling to start again.
Starting over is not easy, I try
To straighten my spine and offer a grin.
